The Narative #Prekill
I’m Miyamoto Musashi.
The peerless Samurai, self-taught, self-confident, self, self, self…
It was such a good fit for so long.
In love with the idea, but not becoming the idea.
The fatal mistake.
There’s this moment where we identify, we find the thread that we are meant to pull on. We notice it, but we keep moving past it looking for, I don’t know, maybe a thread that’s even more obvious for us to pull on. Maybe one that’s looser. Here we are, in a frenzy looking to collect for no reason, when we could be understanding and crafting through our attempts at pulling on that first thread. Weeks, months, years. We realize that the thread we most loved, we most had interest in, was the one we should have focused intently on. For me, it was the internal battle, the failure, the self-sabotage that I had to face and eventually defeat before I was really free to pursue my first love, trading. I treat it a little differently nowadays. I respect the privilege of doing what I want. The opportunity to earn money essentially looking into my screen and decoding the patterns that I know and love. It feels very strange to have come this far, it feels even stranger because as I write this my personal finances are a wreck. The calm overwhelms me, there’s just something about it, something about the bloodthirst I once had, it’s been replaced with a serenity of sorts. The anxiety exists, but I don’t notice it or it subsides after the work is done. I remember those hours alone, searching, discovering. Just a little hope for a future brighter than academia would have made known. That hope would fuel subsequent visits, some good days, some bad days. Back then social media hadn’t made it to our phones. And, I for one didn’t own a laptop, so it was me and those magazines. At first I would devour anything that had the mention of investing in the title. I quickly sped past that to find Worth, Futures, and Trader Monthly. Those magazines along with luxury lifestyle magazines like Robb Report, Dwell, and Revolution opened an entirely different world to me. It wasn’t so much just the obvious glamour and glitz, but the language, the mannerisms, the culture. This was like something out of a movie for me, a fantasy novel even.
“My life was so far from luxury, I’m wondering if it’s in the right direction.”