Work/Life Imbalance #Prekill
I’ve learned that the best solution towards negativity is one of either silence or extreme action. I find time to connect the social engagements of a life well lived with those of the truth that surrounds someone in the trenches trudging away. The anxiety fills me without any warning. The loss of compassion and patience swells up to form my competitive edge. The less than ideal interactions I end up having after too long outside of my work. The work becomes a necessity, the life that surrounds it I can take or leave. I wondered for the longest if I was guarding something.
I later realized that no, there really was no reason to fret in the face of being judged outside of my work. It even got to a point where I knew that others were indeed judging me and my lifestyle, but the work, I knew the work was stronger and more meaningful than any one moment of my social life could ever be. Creating from vulnerability, the honesty that connects only with those who have experienced this but not seen it up close until now. Why does the chip still exist? I can’t stand to be treated a certain way, my pride doesn’t dictate the outcome as much as my expectation. I learned to hide here in plain sight, knowing that the outcome would be my indifference and someone else’s unease. I want to be a gentleman about it. A way to excuse myself, give myself permission without asking for it. Black in America I refuse to be mistreated. Not in a physical confrontation type of way, but I definitely represent more now than I ever had. I stand alone because I decide to. I know that this thought is aching inside of many men especially now. I know that the lost battles rack up in this war of attrition. Can it really be that difficult to separate my lifestyle from my life as it is? Does social life factor into success as much as we once thought? Can we embrace our current way of life for a better one? This idea of sacrifice runs through and through. I am learning that all sacrifice is discipline to our animal brain. I crave discipline more now than ever these days. The rare trait. The way to make a difference in a world that’s indifferent.